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At a recent lunch with “mom friends” from my son’s former high school, a mother of both a college grad and high school senior asked if I would write a blog post about the differences between the two rites of passage of high school and college commencement. I promised her I would, as soon as my son graduated from college and I could compare both experiences.

Last week, my son graduated from Emory University. To keep my promise, I now need to make my comparison.

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As any parent with a child in college will tell you, the cost of higher education has skyrocketed over recent decades and has become unbearable for American families. According to FinAid.org, tuition inflation has been double the general inflation rate in recent decades. College Board recently reported that public university tuition and fees are growing at a slightly higher rate than private colleges, but let’s face it, the type of institution with the worst sticker shock is still the private four-year college or university.

For the 2011-12 year, the total average private school cost (tuition, fees, room and board) was $38,589, versus public school total costs of $17,131 (in-state) and $29,657 (out-of-state). And plenty of private institutions cost more than $50K annually, a price tag of almost a quarter of a million bucks for your kid to graduate from college.

In a rational, free-market world, paying $156K ($39 x 4) for four years at a private institution versus $68K at an in-state public school should buy $88K more of some kind of educational utility. (Something more than a bumper sticker to impress the family next door!) What kind of extra benefits should a consumer look for in a private college or university that might justify paying almost a hundred grand more over the course of four years?

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Why does an 11th Grader need to create a RESUME? After all, the high school guidance department already asks for a “brag sheet,” that usually includes a template for recording one’s activities and accomplishments. The Common Application is filled with forms for academic awards and extra-curricular activities. So when I ask my college counseling clients to develop a resume, they often ask, “Isn’t that a redundant exercise?” Not at all. Here’s why:

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This is an update of my popular post, with the most recent data  from the  NACAC State of College Admission 2011 Report.

SAT’s as an extra-curricular activity? Traveling soccer clubs beginning in kindergarten? Making peanut butter and jelly  sandwiches for the homeless? President of the varsity tiddly-wink club? Curing cancer with My First Chemistry Kit? Grade-grubbing like Summer (Miranda Cosgrove)  in The School of Rock, with a lawnmower parent clearing away all obstacles in your path? What’s most important to colleges, anyway?

The National Association of College Admission Counseling (NACAC) offers guidance on this crucial question. Based on Admission Trends Surveys 1993-2008 from The NACAC State of College Admission 2011 Report, I can suggest ten priorities for your student:

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Back in the day, many Boomers recall, applying to college was a simple, straightforward matter, which could easily be handled independently by a high school student, with Mom and Dad checking in at the end to ensure they could afford it. How the world has changed.

Over the past two decades, the college process has become more competitive, due to the burgeoning “echo boom” population, expectations that more high school graduates will attend college, the electronic application explosion, and the influx of high-performing international applicants. At the same time, college cost increases have significantly outpaced inflation, with student loan debt now being described as the next big bubble about to burst. Rising competition and cost escalation are a recipe for a spectacularly more complex, high-stakes college application process than ever before. How do high school students tackle such a process, and how much should their parents be involved?

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As a college consultant, I am often surprised to learn that most families shoulder the stressful, confusing college process in isolation from a free, rich resource to which they have access: other families. This “go it alone” modus operandi may stem from: a lack of connection with other families in the teen’s high school; an attempt to protect family privacy by taking a “close-to-the-vest” approach; a secretive strategy rooted in competitive, “zero-sum-game” assumptions; or simply a lack of understanding about how helpful other families can be as a resource. Let me discuss each of these causes in turn.

1. Lack of connection. There are many reasons your family could feel disconnected from other families in your student’s high school. You could be newcomers from a different town, state or country. Your teen may be attending a regional public or private high school in a different town; current classmates are not the neighborhood kids with whom your son or daughter grew up. If your family is comprised of two working parents or a single parent, with long commutes or heavy travel, there may have been no time for involvement with parent-teacher organizations or your kid’s extracurricular activities over the years. Maybe you have a shy temperament and are not outgoing with other parents. Or maybe you see your teen’s high school as his or her world, and you do not feel it is appropriate for you to become overly involved. Perhaps your independent–or rebellious–adolescent does not make you feel welcome.

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Soon after families of high school seniors send in the enrollment deposit for the chosen college, a packet will appear in the mail with information on freshman housing and questionnaires that need to be returned with indication of preferences.  Most information can also be accessed earlier on the college website, either publicly or through an “accepted student” portal. Your student should also get the scoop from the college’s Facebook admitted student page. After the May 1 enrollment deadline, residential options are often chosen on a first come, first serve basis, so it is a good idea to familiarize yourself with the alternatives as early as possible.

What housing choices does a freshman have at your chosen college, and how does one go about deciding? What are the relevant factors your teen should be considering?

1. Location. Consider the location of each dorm option on the campus, and how that location may impact your freshman’s daily life (i.e., getting to and from classes, need for a shuttle bus or bicycle, proximity to the library and dining hall, safety at night). Most colleges offer freshman dorms in the same proximity (often built around a courtyard, lawn or  “quad”), creating spontaneous social opportunities for the new students to get to know each other.

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Your high school senior will be receiving responses from most of his or her prospective colleges by the first of April, and the universal enrollment deadline is the first of May. After all the agony of completing applications and essays, and the excruciating anxiety of waiting, now the ball is in your teen’s court at last.

April carries a different kind of angst. How to decide?

I encourage you to turn to several of my posts for advice, empathy and support: Waiting for the “Fat Envelope“, Standing Out on the Waiting List Admitted Students Day: A Different Kind of College Visit, and Decision-Making 101. In this post, I offer three principles to keep in mind when making that final decision:

1. There is no “perfect” decision; compromise is part of life. There may have been a time, earlier in your son or daughter’s senior year, when he or she thought, “There is only ONE college for me!” Perhaps this all-or-nothing ideal has already faded, if your student was denied, deferred or waitlisted at an early notification or regular decision “dream school.” Your teen has probably become wiser and more realistic over the past few months. How nice that this painful process has resulted in enhanced maturity! Read More…

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As April First approaches, your high school senior has probably already received responses from some prospective colleges. Certainly in a few weeks, all the returns will be in.  You will soon have three pieces of information on the table to help your teen make the decision of which college to attend.

1. Acceptance, Wait List, or Denial. This feedback is the college’s decision about the applicant. Obviously, acceptance means your student is in the driver’s seat.

If your student is waitlisted at a school that is still your teen’s first choice, your student should  inform the guidance counselor and communicate it directly with admissions as well. But make sure that a deposit is sent in by May 1 to a school your student would very much like to attend which has outright admitted him or her. For further advice, take a look at my post: Waiting for the “Fat Envelope.  If your student has been denied at a top choice school, it may be emotionally difficult (although spring denials tend to be counterbalanced by acceptances, with a less “all-or-nothing” feeling than December denials). This is an opportunity to offer parental support for a painful, but valuable, life learning experience. See my posts: College Acceptances and Denials: The Best and Worst Things that Could Happen and The College Process: Dealing with Rejection.

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Our current economy permits few luxuries. Why should families hire an independent college admissions consultant? (An encore post with the addition of my recent video interview on college consulting.)

1. Focused one-on-one attention. In the middle of this decade, studies by the U.S. Dept. of Education and National Association for College Admissions Counseling (NACAC) pointed to average public school counselor-to-student ratios in the range of 300-500 to 1. Guidance counselors can only devote part of their time to college advising, since their duties often include scheduling and discipline issues.These professionals are doing their best in a difficult situation. But for families who would like more individual attention for their high school student, an independent consultant can play a helpful role.
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